Friday, September 5, 2008

So Whatcha Whatcha Whatcha Want?

I was going to swear off politics yesterday after losing one subscriber who happens to favor the Democrats, but I can't do that the day after McCain's acceptance speech. So, I'll quit on Monday. No, really.

First of all, TiVo Remote - Day 4. It's gone. The family has lost all hope. I picked up my son last night and he patted my head. At first, I thought this was cute, until I realized in his little toddler mind he was probably thinking, "Aww, my Daddy is special. It's okay, big guy, that you can't find a remote control a 1 year old hid. There there." I'm pretty sure he might have called up a few of his toddler friends because he was whispering and laughing on his little Elmo cell phone and quickly hung up when I came into the room.

I had scrolled the few hundred channels from Caillou to the NY Giants game, so I was already prepared to watch McCain's speech when it came on. In general, the speech went something like this:

"...You've got to fight for what's right for your country..."

It was only a small hesitation before George Bush and Dick Cheney joined him on stage, McCain leaped out from behind the podium, microphone in hand, throwing his arms up - well, kind of up - and continued:

"...Your Pop caught you smokin' and he said 'No Way!' but that hypocrite smokes two packs a day! Man, livin' at home is such a drag....your Mom threw away your best porno mags..."

Ahem.

Overall, I thought the speech was good. It wasn't heavy on substance, of course, and he doesn't have the charisma that Obama and Palin had in their speeches, but I thought it was solid. I also think that anybody who thinks that just because McCain is Republican that we're going to have another four years of Bush isn't paying attention.

When you want to talk about character and integrity, McCain is it. You don't refuse to leave a tortorous prison camp until the rest of your men leave (buying yourself 4 more years of torture), then come home and cave to lobbyists and special interest groups. In fact, McCain is already known for not walking the party line and sponsoring more liberal bills than the Republican Party is comfortable with. Sure, he's old. Sure he's gray. Sure, some of his mannerisms are so similar to George Bush that when Frank Caliendo begins doing his McCain impression he won't have to practice much, but I think the politician that is John McCain is much different than the politician that is George W. Bush.

On my way into work this morning, I heard these two calls into NJ101.5 in reference to the speech:

"McCain touched me last night."

Whoa.


If that was a national radio program, you could bet Us Weekly would be writing a story on how McCain molested this woman. Oh..speaking of Us Weekly, you have to watch this clip (and before you all send in the clip of Karl Rove and Bill O'Reilly on the Daily Show, yes, I know there are hypocrites on both sides of the media):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjQhiarIQaw

That's some good defense right there, huh?

Anyway, the second caller had this as his opening complaint about the speech:

"McCain looked like he had a stiff neck."

Yeah.

We should definitely not vote for the guy, because after years of daily torture in which they repeatedly broke his bones and did not allow them to set properly, he moves a little stiffly. Nice. Besides, you'll be eating your words when you watch his performance as the monster in Young Frankenstein.

Again, I didn't learn anything new last night, but then again, I didn't expect to. The debates are coming. I can picture it now:

Moderator: "Senator McCain, what's your take on Senator Obama's accusations that your vice presidential candidate kills babies in her backyard and hangs them for target practice?"

McCain: "Your schemin' on a thing that's a mirage, I'm trying to tell you now, it's Sabotage!"

note: If you are not familiar with the Beastie Boys catalog, please disregard the above post. I'd try to explain it, but it's a white Jewish rapper thing. You wouldn't understand.

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